Good Tidings: An open letter to Sarah Palin

politically correctDear Sarah Palin,

I’d like to begin by congratulating you on the advancement of your writing skills. It is evident in your latest book, “Good Tidings and Great Joy: Protecting the Heart of Christmas,” that you have nearly graduated to a middle school writing level (which I hope is not perceived as an insult to elementary school children). I have noticed a sincere effort on your part to become both literate and articulate, and wish you the best in your pursuits.

Having said this, I have a few issues to address with your book. First of all, I’d be interested to know what charitable organizations proceeds from your book will be going to? It seems that you are “defending the heart of Christmas” by exploiting it for your own personal financial gain. What is worse is that you are using your influence to spread hate speech about atheists, poor people, liberals – basically anybody who is non-Christian. This, by its very nature, seems very un-Christian of you.

I’d like to take a look at a few of my favorite quotes from your writings, and offer my response (if I may)…

An angry atheist with a lawyer is one of the most powerful persons in America.

Arguably. But a safer bet than an angry conservative with a gun.

Atheism’s track record makes the Spanish Inquisition seem like Disneyland by comparison.

You don’t know what the Spanish Inquisition is, do you? Adorable.

It is Christ who empowers every act of goodwill toward men in our otherwise fallen hearts.

Was it Christ who empowered you to exploit the holiday season by writing a book chock full of hatred toward non-Christians?

Let’s think this through: Without god as an objective standard, who’s to say what’s wrong and what’s right?

Leave it to us to sort this out for you. It is apparent that any amount of critical thinking from you will apparently result in a brain malfunction.

The logical result of Atheism, a result we have seen right in front of our eyes in one of the world’s oldest and proudest nations, is severe moral decay.

You lost all credibility when you referred to America as one of the “oldest” nations. I’m telling you… you are truly adorable.

There are few things that anger a secular liberal atheist more than a horizontal plank intersecting a vertical plank – a cross – on public land.

Well – I could think of a few things. Like hunger. Income inequality. The recession. Failed politicians-turned-reality-stars exploiting the holidays via horribly written books. Racism. Gun violence. Homophobia. Corporate greed. The Westboro Baptist Church. Child abuse. HIV/AIDS. Cancer. The cost of health care. The cost of movie theatre tickets. Brian the dog dying on Family Guy (though, thankfully, he was brought back). Monsanto. The Sandy Hook Massacre. George Zimmerman. Chapped lips. Misogyny. War. Fox News. That one picture of Beyonce. Ted Cruz. Just to name a few.

Because hearing a word you don’t want to hear is a big freakin’ deal!

Um. Like the word “holiday” as opposed to “Christmas,” for example?

Walgreen’s 24-page nationwide circular used the word holiday 36 times without one mention of Christmas.

Remember that whole thing you said about words not being “a big freakin’ deal?”

You don’t have to be intimidated by the political correctness police!

Those “political correctness police” you refer to seem to offer a guideline for how to be respectful and socially graceful. It offers a level of class and compassion that, naturally, you are unfamiliar with. Perhaps Americans, instead, shouldn’t be intimidated by the “Merry Christmas” police – going around trying to dictate which seasons greetings they offer.

Sadly, there are no Chick-fil-A restaurants in Alaska.

Oh, good one. While spreading “good tidings and great joy,” you take the opportunity to express sorrow for the fact that you cannot dine at an openly homophobic restaurant (one you have supported ever since they came out against the LGBT community). Good tidings to you, as well, from the LGBT community.

Sarah, I understand that you prefer the term “Merry Christmas.” I prefer the term “Happy Holidays.” Great. They both share the same sentiment, one being exclusive, the other being inclusive. I am not interested in having this age-old debate with you, however. I respect your preferences and wish that you would respect mine as a simple matter of “freedom of speech” (which you so frequently “champion.”) What concerns me more is the ignorance and hate-speech toward atheists you are spreading with this book, solely for personal gain. This doesn’t make you a good Christian. It makes you a bigot.

Furthermore, I’ve recently discovered that you were so quick to respond to the controversy surrounding the hateful remarks toward the LGBT community made by Phil Robertson of “Duck Dynasty.” “Free speech is an endangered species,” you wrote on Facebook. “Those ‘intolerants’ hatin’ and taking on the Duck Dynasty patriarch for voicing his personal opinion are taking on all of us.” Well, since you are such a champion of free speech when it comes to derogatory remarks toward gays, allow me to exercise my own right…

“HAPPY HOLIDAYS” to you and yours, Ms. Palin. I hope the proceeds afford you a beautiful season.


Brandon (an angry, liberal, gay atheist)

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